Current mood:	crushed
Current music:	Wordplay - Jason Mraz
Entry tags:	mal/simon

Title: Emotion
Author: Rory divided_poet
Summary: Simon felt like his heart would break....
Rating: PG
Character(s): Simon Tam/Mal Reynolds
Prompt: #004. Emotion
Word Count: 1,227
Warnings/Spoilers: This story is Slash. And it can be set anytime in the 'Verse.
A/N: Yay and big thanks to my wonderful beta itinerant_vae for putting up with my period vs. comma problem, among other things. *g*




Simon felt like his heart would break. He knew the functions of the human heart. He knew the way it worked, what would cause it to divert from the body’s plan. He also knew that his heart hurt, the emotion so strong he could feel it pounding in his chest. His knees felt like they were going to give out at any moment, and he was having trouble breathing. He was gasping like he had just been dropped into the ocean, yet he was still on Serenity.

Simon was holding onto the railing for dear life as he looked down into the cargo bay, where Mal lay with a bullet in his chest.

They had landed on an empty moon to unload some goods. When they had opened the bay doors for the buyers, one had come on board and leveled a shotgun at Mal’s head. He demanded that they be given the goods, free of charge, in exchange for Mal’s life.

The man looked shaky and he was sweating a lot. Simon suspected he was going through some type of withdrawal.

Suddenly something dropped from the rafters. That’s when the pain started for Simon, when the gun went off and Mal hit the floor.

As the gun went off, River appeared in the room, behind the man. She kicked him in the back. Once he was down, River kneeled between his shoulder blades and pulled his head up toward her quickly. There was a loud crack in the almost silent cargo bay. Simon fought to push away his emotions as he propelled himself down the stairs into the bay. He dropped to the floor next to Mal’s still form and started checking for a pulse. It only took a second for the two men to be surrounded by crew members.

When Simon detected a faint pulse he couldn’t help letting out a relieved breath. Then he looked up toward Jayne. “Help me get him to the infirmary,” Simon ordered. Jayne didn’t argue. He just bent down and helped pick Mal up, making sure to hold the captain the same way Simon was holding him.

~*

As a doctor, Simon learned to turn off his emotions. He had learned that while working they only got in the way, caused you to feel. So that’s what Simon did; he turned off his emotions toward the bleeding man on the table.

The surgery took a while. How long exactly Simon didn’t know, but when he came out of the infirmary he felt the need to lean against the door jam for support. As the two female members of the crew looked on Simon realized the door jam wouldn’t hold him up, and he slid to the floor.

Simon had treated Mal for some serious wounds, but it had been a long time since he’d had one this bad. He definitely hadn’t had one this bad since Simon fell in love with him. Simon didn’t think he could handle this anymore.

“How’s he doin’, Simon?” Kaylee asked from the couch just outside the infirmary. Simon looked up at Kaylee. He didn’t think he could answer her. His throat felt raw, like he had been screaming for hours. And his mind was suddenly blank.

“We best be lettin’ the doc tend to the captain. We ain’t doin’ no good standin’ here,” Zoë said, from the bottom of the stairway that led to the galley. “We best be helpin’ Jayne make sure everything is secure.” Simon glanced at Zoë with what he could only hope was gratitude. Zoë gave a little nod toward Simon before leading Kaylee up the stairs.

Simon looked back into the room he had just left. Mal lay motionless on the table and Simon felt completely helpless. He had taken the bullet out, but he couldn’t make Mal heal any faster. And he couldn’t wake Mal up. Thinking that caused the emotions to start building in Simon’s chest again.

Simon quickly pulled himself up off the floor and walked back into the infirmary. He pulled a stool over to the table Mal was on and sat down. Simon leaned his elbows on the edge of the table and held Mal’s hand against his forehead.

~*

A few hours later Simon woke up. His head was on Mal’s hip and there was a hand going through his hair softly and slowly. Simon raised his head and looked up at Mal’s face. He was slightly surprised to see the Captain staring back at him. Mal was giving Simon a slightly amused look.

Simon leaned toward the top of the table and couldn’t keep his hand from going up and brushing over Mal’s forehead and cheek.

“How are you feeling?” Simon asked, his voice still giving the impression that he’d been screaming for a long period of time. He knew it was a stupid question but he felt the need to ask anyway.

“Feelin’ like a jus’ got a bullet moved ‘round in my chest, lianrén,” Mal said, a very small laugh in his voice. “’Bout yourself?”

Simon felt his emotions welling up in him again. He couldn’t speak again. He kept seeing Mal drop to the floor of the cargo bay, blood pooling under his body.

“Lianrén?” Mal brushed a finger over Simon’s forehead. A tear slid down Simon’s face and Mal’s eyes widened.

Simon knew Mal was startled, but the emotions were so strong Simon needed to let them out somehow.

“Simon, wha--”

“You should be dead,” Simon said flatly. “You would be, but River dropped one of the lights from the rafters into the bay and hit the man pointing the gun at you. He was nervous and paranoid, and he would have killed you,” he said, his voice giving away none of the emotions he displayed on his face.

“Don’t think that sister o’ yours woulda let anythin’ happen to me,” Mal said, sweeping a thumb over Simon’s cheek.

Simon shook his head only slightly, making sure not to cause Mal’s hand to fall away. “Please don’t try to comfort me right now, Mal. I know I’m the weaker of the two of us, but could you please heal slightly before you try to absolve me of my fears?” Simon asked.

Mal slid his hand down Simon’s face until he was holding the doctor’s chin, softly but still enough to make him look. “Said it before, an’ I’ll be sayin’ it again. You ain’t weak. Don’t be callin’ yourself so,” he said.

Simon nodded, his chin still in Mal’s hand. Mal moved his hand to the back of Simon’s neck and pulled the younger man down. Simon let Mal lead him. When he was close to Mal’s face he closed the distance, kissing Mal softly on the lips before pulling back.

“Gonna have to get myself healed. That jus’ ain’t doin’ it for me.”

Simon saw the lust flash through Mal’s eyes quickly before being replaced by a look that was uniquely Mal. It was a tender look that said anything and everything. Simon felt the emotions building in his chest again, but for a completely different reason. Where there was fear, there was now a feeling of calm. Mal was going to be okay. Mal cared about him, maybe even loved him.

Simon knew that was the only emotion he would ever need.